Facing My Demon: Overcoming the Struggles Within Myself

The Cambridge Dictionary (n.d.) defines a demon as “an evil spirit” and, in an approving sense, as a person who performs a particular activity with exceptional skill or energy.

For example, the dictionary uses the expressions “She works like a demon” and “Stefan has a demon serve.” In a humorous context, demon may also refer to a person who behaves very badly, as in the example, “That’s the last time I take care of her kids—I’ll be glad when the little demons go home” (Cambridge Dictionary, n.d.).

Most people define a demon as an evil spirit. With that definition in mind. The first thing to do in facing your demon is to realize that it is not an entity outside of you. Your demon is a product of your mind. It feeds on your fears and insecurities. It grows and clings as large and as securely as you allow it to grow and cling on you.

Once your realize that your demon is in your mind you can develop tactics to overcome it. Identify your exact demon. Determine what’s in your thinking that is fueling it. Diminish or extinguish that fuel. Try not to associate a mental and or physical problem with a demonic attack on you. Nothing that I an saying about demons is professional advice, it is only my opinion. Seek medical help if you feel that your demon, whatever it is, is affecting your quality of life.

I can say that my demon is myself not an evil spirit. Against my wishes and desires, my demon takes control of my thinking and behavior. My demon breaks my peace and enjoyment of life. It makes me feel physically bad when my body wants to feel good. I try to control it, but it finds ways to influence me. My demon cannot defeat me, but it makes my walk in life more troubling than it should be.

Facing my demon is facing myself. Finding it’s wakeup call and quickly putting it back to sleep is my task. Not allowing my demon to spill over onto others is my first course of action. This is my private struggle with myself that does not involve anyone else. Of course, keeping my demon personal is hard to do.

There is nothing evil about uncontrolled and unproductive habits. It is not a spirit floating in the wind waiting for it’s chance to attack me. It is not something that a man and a woman eating a piece of fruit thousands of years ago brought on me. It is me. My thinking of myself and of other people. This is not saying that the actions and the behavior of other people does not fuel my demon. Unfortunately, I allow it to; to my own detriment as they walk away satisfied of what I have allowed them to accomplish.

What is my escape, what is my help from my personal demon that will not leave me in peace? Recognizing and addressing what is triggering my demon. Realizing that life and health is too fleeting, and that I don’t have the luxury to hamper it. This must come from me not from an outside source. It may take medication to free myself of my demon, and moreover, a better understanding of myself. Whatever it takes, I must do to enjoy however many moments of life I have left.

Absorbed as One

 

When he holds and kisses me, he absorbs me into him, and we become one. It is difficult to explain—a physical connection that reaches far beyond touch. Points of pressure awaken in controlled waves of sensation as my thoughts settle into tranquil fulfillment. In that moment, I know nothing beyond us, yet I understand everything I am experiencing.

When he holds me in his arms, I feel his love radiating from him and flowing into me. That energy comforts, embraces, and reassures me. In those intimate moments, my concerns fall away. I am one with him and the universe; he is one with me and the cosmos. Time pauses to honor our embrace. I lift him into weightlessness, and he carries me with him. Our absorption is complete.

When I hold and kiss him, I absorb him into me, and we become one. It is not easy to explain. Our physical connection reaches far beyond touch. Sensations rise within me, urging me to hold him closer and kiss him more deeply. I bring him to his knees, though he remains standing with his feet planted firmly on the earth while his mind soars. His moment becomes mine, just as mine becomes his.

I do not have to tell him that I love him. He feels my love radiating from me and flowing into him, filling him with my presence, and reminding him that he is not alone. The pressure of my kiss releases him from his concerns. My moment becomes his, just as his becomes mine. Our absorption is complete.

Neither of us has to say it because we both feel it, yet it is still beautiful to hear the words, “I love you.” Beyond sound and words, the message is clear, the meaning sincere, and the proof alive in our touch. Our shared expression transcends worlds, bringing security and comfort. He holds and kisses me; I hold and kiss him. We are absorbed as one. Separate beings with separate autonomy yet joined by the same choice whenever we consider one another.

Starburst and sunburst are one because they arise from the same light. In the same way, when I look into his eyes, I see a burst of light reflecting his love for me. When he holds and kisses me, our emotional union takes physical form. Our absorption is complete. The truth speaks for itself: nature rests in tranquil harmony, and the universe is balanced.

Moonrise, moon bright—a reflection of the life she gives. A caressing warmth expresses her love for him, neither eclipsed nor hidden. Nature reveals the ancient calendar. When she holds and kisses him, uncertainty disappears. All things become clear, the truth stands unquestioned, and the meaning remains sincere. Tranquility is nature’s home. The cosmos is stable; equilibrium is complete.

When he holds and kisses me, and when I hold and kiss him, we are absorbed into each other. In that moment, no one else exists.

On the Other Side of Somewhere: Finding a Place for Me.

On the other side of somewhere there is a place for me. I don’t know where it is, but I am sure I will find it: a place where the air, water, food, and soil are pure, where my youth and health are restored, and where my cognitive abilities reach beyond what I can imagine.

On the other side of somewhere that restoration extends to every creature, each getting its nourishment from the air. No creature has to eat another to survive and thrive. The earth is stable, without storms, hurricanes, or volcanoes. Above it, the stars are as bright as my new life. I can see this somewhere on the other side, but I cannot touch it yet.

Though I cannot touch it yet, this is not a dream or wishful thinking. This is the Universe that has come of age: every atom and molecule has stabilized and is no longer volatile. I can see this somewhere, so I know it’s there, waiting on the other side for me to take my place in it.

In this settled world, the rain is pristine and refreshing. The wind caresses my skin. The soil comforts my feet like a pair of shoes. On the other side of somewhere there is a place for me, it is within my mind’s reach. I hear its call when I am awake and when I am asleep. Awareness of this place gives me courage in the face of adversity.

That call becomes a song. On the other side of somewhere the grass, trees, and flowers sing to me, and I sing to them. We understand one another and communicate in harmony. We share one purpose: to live, thrive, sustain, and love. I know this somewhere is there—not in some imaginary afterlife, not in hope, faith, or a prayer, and not in a world I have created in my mind. It is real, and it wants me to be a part of it.

In that harmony, there is a place where shadows don’t hold secrets, and I don’t have to fear anything. Peace and safety are the life I live there. Troubles are challenges I can bear without being overwhelmed. In a puddle of water, I see my reflection, the light of joy radiating from my face. I am no longer surrounded by people yet very alone. Finally, I am home.

This sense of home is not a vision of a far-off world. This somewhere is as close to me as my mind can conceive. I know it is there, and it wants me as part of it. It wants to share itself with me as a living and loving space. Somewhere on the other side, there is a place for me.

Yet having a place there does not make it paradise; I have duties to perform: to keep increasing my physical and mental powers, to build and maintain my shelter, to care for myself, and to care for and respect what I have been given. Also, I must keep my mind as pure as the environment in which I live. I can see my somewhere over there drawing near to me, calling me, telling me I am precious and welcome.

On the other side of somewhere there is a place for me, and this somewhere and I are drawing near.

Hear me esteem one

 

Hear me esteem one

Hear me and deliver the fond ones from the self-imposed clutches of a demented mind

Deliver their heads so that they may liberate themselves from themselves

The fond ones are floundering in paleness

Allowing themselves to become entangled within the mutation’s tentacles

Riding every whim of the absurd

Fascinated by the propaganda of the imposter

Scrabbling to be everything but themselves

The pretenders have created an illusion

The real has been camouflaged by their deceptions

The mirage has become a facet of everyday life

Nurse the heads of the fond ones so that they may mend themselves

Restore to health those who covet death

Heed my prayer esteem one and do this for your children

Curse those who look upon themselves

Reveal the obscenity as a profanity

Scourge the pallor with a deserved faintness

Instability in oneself has damaged the fond ones exceedingly

The entire cosmos is now clumsy and awkward

Mindsets away from its original form

Because of the fond one’s lust for the reprehensible

And are so willing to immerse themselves within pale idiocy

Listen to me esteem one

Pay attention to my prayer

And rescue your children from themselves

 

The Subhuman Elements

 Over two hundred years of indoctrination has created a subhuman element that accepts everything fed into it without question. These types of individuals do not have the ideological mechanism to perform basic critical thinking skills. They live by reacting rather than thinking.

These subhuman elements are quick to hurt and speedy to kill because they are void of human nature and have no desire to improve their spiritual, social, and intellectual condition. These subhuman elements look and sound like me because I am the product of my culture, just as they are.

We all must heighten our sense of self, placing no one above us and feeling that no one is beneath us. By brute force, bestiality unshackles themselves from animalistic thinking and behavior and enhances in value and quality their level of existence.

The weak of mind will continue to be a ludicrous figure having a brittle foundation that is easily cracked, broken, and snapped apart. They will continue to hate themselves and everyone who looks like them. They will continue to be an obscene wound debasing the earth irreverent to nature.

My love for the subhuman is strong. Strong enough to be depressed by what I see. Strong enough to strive to make myself better, moving beyond the surface material of my brain into the clarity of personal maturity. Two hundred years of indoctrination shattered by correctness. Two hundred years of indoctrination overthrown by an inventive mind.

Stop hurting and killing one another and engage in innovativeness and intellectual ingenuity. The first will be the foremost again as the subhuman is destroyed and becomes a living being.

Grow Up

Hurting and killing one another, walking around with your butt hanging out, frowning your face when looking at one another, writing and promoting demeaning and self-hating musical lyrics, grow up! Allowing oneself to be so brainwashed and whitewashed is a disgrace. Be the best that you can be, not the worst. Strive to obtain the highest mind, not the lowest one. Invent and create, not disrespect, and destroy. You have it in you if you allow it to come out, so do it! You know who I am speaking to, young black men, or however you define yourself. Grow up and stop hurting and killing one another! Be united and strong as an individual and as a community, then go out and conquer the world. 

The Anxiety of the Unknown

The fear of death is useless anxiety but can be understood if placed in the context of the fear of the unknown. Life is the only experience the so-called living knows, and death is as unfamiliar as living without aging. Death may well be a much more rewarding experience than life, but there are very few people who want to find out.

Under the suffocating influences of Western culture, most of the peoples of the world are as dead as the concept of death can get. Yet those same peoples fear the transition into a state that they already exist.

Some want death, but the anxiety of the unknown is a cause of much concern for them, causing them to waver between what they want and that which they fear. You feel trapped within a question mark that has no rational form when you hear a sound that you do not at once recognize.

The beating of your heart in the stillness of the night becomes a vivid awareness of how fragile life is. If you are lying in bed, fear causes you to get up, when only moments before you thought of the serenity and tranquility of transitioning into forever during sleep.

With a lack of enthusiasm, you take your medications because you want to live with as little suffering, hospital and doctor bills as possible. You think of the people whom you knew who have transitioned beyond your realm of consciousness, and you think of how death is only one step from the last.

Nothing mystical or magical has happened to them as they have merely continued a journey having many layers of consciousness.

I knew someone who would cry while telling me that they did not want to die. The fear of death became of no value as sickness and the loss of people they knew, one by one, made the continuance of life undesirable to them.

How can you grieve the end of someone's suffering? How can you mourn for someone who has taken the next step on their journey? The fear of death is useless anxiety because the living is as dead as death can get, thinking that they are alive when they are not.

The Western culture has produced a world populated by the animated dead. Fabricating people that are stimulation in motion, that laughs, that sings, that dance, that talk, that go to work, that breathe, all the while producing nothing that infinity can account for as being anything of significance.

The Anxiety of the Unknown is as natural as using the toilet and cannot be flushed away by denial and dreaming. So, I comfort myself by making peace with that which is impossible to know until I take that next step and walk into it.